Q: When I Multitask, Nothing Ever Gets Completed!
When you focus on everything just a little bit, nothing gets fully done — and you always feel behind. Instead of multitasking, try assigning certain work to certain days or times and blocking out everything else during those work periods.
This Dear ADHD Family Coach® column was originally written for ADDitude Magazine.
Q: “I can’t seem to get it all done — work, meals, housework, laundry paperwork/bills — and I feel like I’m always playing catch-up. For example, if I focus on everything a little, then everything is behind and a mess and nothing is accomplished fully. Alternately, when I focus on one thing, like catching up with paperwork, (organizing the papers, yet again), then I end up with a pile of unsorted laundry on my floor and other incomplete things. I’m always sacrificing one thing for another and it feels like I’m always re-doing what I previously did. The solution should be clear; other people don’t live like this. Why can’t I stay organized? This impacts our family in multiple ways.” – WorkingSingleMomWithTeens
Hi WorkingSingleMomWithTeens:
Thank you for submitting this question. As a single parent — working full time with your kids also at home — you have a very full plate.
You mention in your question that when you focus on “everything a little” you feel behind and nothing is fully finished, yet when you focus on only one thing at a time you feel your projects are incomplete.
[READ: I’m Careening Toward Mom Burnout Reminding Everyone of Everything All the Time]
But I need to challenge you a little in that thinking. If you have three projects to complete – let’s use sorting laundry, emptying the dishwasher, and catching up on paperwork as our examples — and you focus on sorting your laundry first, then are the other two “incomplete” or will you complete them once you’ve finished your laundry or even at another time?
My questioning isn’t designed to make you feel bad, In fact, I hope it makes you feel better. We all have tasks that need to get done on a daily basis – emptying a dishwasher, preparing meals, taking out the trash, and for some, laundry.
[READ: Help! How Can I Manage Multiple Bank Accounts?]
What helps my clients move through their tasks and feel less stressed about what is open ended and not complete is setting daily or weekly goals or intentions. For example, if they know that each morning the dishwasher is emptied while drinking coffee or that each Thursday evening the trash goes out, they can rest easy knowing these tasks will be done at a set day or time. This thinking allows them to focus on what is in front of them.
When setting daily intentions, be sure to make them short, simple, and specific. “Thursday night I’m going to put away the clean, folded laundry.” “Sunday night I’ll review schedules and activities for the week.” “Saturday morning I’ll tackle the weekly mail.” In other words, break down your tasks and schedule them so you feel more in control. Not only of your tasks but of your thoughts, too.
[READ: Is It Laziness? Or a Smart Reset for My Tired ADHD Brain?]
You mention you have teens! What household responsibilities are they in charge of? It’s time to play to their strengths and have them manage more than they might be currently. Figure out what they feel comfortable doing – prepping meals, folding laundry, taking out trash – and give them clear and concise instructions. Then stand back and let them rise to the occasion!
Lastly, give yourself some grace. In these crazy times, we are striving for “done enough.”
Good Luck!
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