The Road Best Traveled: Parenting Lessons from My Son
As I write this, I am 30,000 feet in the air returning from a road trip with my 16-year-old son Eli. Our school district has a week-long February break and, with my husband busy at his job, I grabbed the opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with him. But since the last time just the two of us traveled together he was in the 4th grade, I braced myself for a VERY different experience.
What did I learn? Well, it was eye opening! Here are my lessons from the road.
#1: My son and I have nearly polar opposite travel styles. He's a go-with- the-flow, we'll-get-there-when-we-get-there kind of traveller. Me? Do you really need to ask? I've been planning this trip for months—what we’ll see and visit, the best times to go, where we’ll eat, etc. Don’t get me wrong—in some relaxed, easy look on Eli’s face got me thinking “Maybe I need to dial it back a little and not have everything planned.” You think? And I’m glad I did—because we ended up grabbing last minute tickets to see a basketball game that was one of the highlights of the trip.
#2: I need to slow down when I travel. My daughter likened our trip to London a few years ago to the Bataan Death March. Other trips my kids complain that I never let them pee. Never said I was easy! Honestly? I like to go all day on vacation so I can make every minute away from home count. My son? Not so much. Even at 16 he needs breaks to recharge. I needed to respect that.
#3: The more independence I gave Eli, the more he rose to the occasion. At the start of the week, I actually flew to St. Louis first to spend some “girl time” with my daughter. The plan was for Eli to meet us the next day. So that meant he would be flying by himself for the first time. Now for some that might not be a big deal. But for my "distractible son," it truly was! My husband brought him to the airport and made sure he got through security. After that, Eli was on his own. And while he admitted he had to keep track of a lot, he never worried or felt that things were out of control.
#4: We needed a break from each other from time to time. Or more likely Eli needed a break from me! So if he stuck his headphones in his ears after we got back to our hotel room at night, I couldn’t take that personally. And who am I kidding? I can be quite the sensory overload.
#5: Establishing reasonable rules for both of us really helped. For him--no phone while I was driving. I wanted him to stay engaged and keep me company. For me--no endless shopping. Did we keep to the rules? Well, he used his phone from time to time and I got my time at more than a few stores.
But the little cheating also helped us respect the rules even more.
#6: (a HUGE one) A constant barrage of new info coming at Eli all day isn't his thing. This is true for most ADHDers. While I am an info junkie and read every display at a museum, he likes to get the feel of the place and do a deep dive in one or two select spots. But give him a museum or tour where he already has an interest? Well, let's just say we strummed guitars and ukuleles for hours at the Gibson factory.
Final Lesson: We did our deepest talking, laughed the hardest, sang the best songs, fought our loudest fights and had our most peaceful moments in the car. And just like those old school field trips or family vacations? Well, it was never about the destination but always the journey. I’ll remember this one for a long time.
I’d love to hear about your family travel experiences and how you balance it all. Email me at info@orderoochaos.com.
Looking to improve communication with your teen?
Then you’ll definitely want to read the article, “Am I the Only One Having Momversations with My Kids?”
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