Q: How Do I Cure My Son’s ‘Senioritis?'
Visiting the campuses of colleges that students want to attend motivates them to keep working toward the goal of attending.
This Dear ADHD Family Coach® column was originally written for ADDitude Magazine.
Q: “My son is a high school senior with ADHD. He’s not sure about college, but he applied anyway. He was accepted to four colleges, but once he got in, it was as if he decided to completely give up. It’s like he’s scared to make the next life step, so he’s just turning in the opposite direction and sabotaging himself. Besides going to his part-time job, he seems totally unconcerned with anything except doing ‘what he wants to do.’ All his teachers have noticed. His therapist recommends we take the ‘Are you adulting vs. studenting?’ approach. What do I do? Thanks!” — WhitBe
Hi WhitBe:
I completely understand your concerns. As a student coach for high school and college students with ADHD, I see this behavior frequently. It’s not uncommon for high school seniors to experience this kind of inner turmoil when facing the transition to college. It’s as if the impending change triggers a sense of fear or anxiety, leading them to act out or disengage from their current responsibilities. Although it’s a pretty typical “senioritis” issue, it seems to be happening early in the school year for your son.
The good news is you do not need to carry this burden alone.
First, your son’s therapist’s “Are you adulting vs. studenting?” approach is a valuable framework. Hopefully, it will help him identify the contrast between his current student responsibilities and the more independent adult life he’s approaching. This can open a non-judgmental conversation about his feelings, concerns, and uncertainty about the future.
[READ: How Can My Teen Find an ADHD College Coach?]
Graduating from high school is a major life change. If he is an overthinker or worrier, he could be overwhelmed and scared, as you say. His actions may be telling you what he can’t express in words.
Senioritis Cures
You mention that he’s unsure of college. Remind him gently that he doesn’t have to decide about college for many more months. Introduce other options for him, such as taking a gap year or attending a local community college in your area.
I’m also a firm believer in natural consequences. This means that just because he was accepted to several colleges doesn’t mean he automatically gets to go. As his parent, you have the right to set clear and fair expectations for him regarding academic performance. So, make sure he is fully aware that his unwillingness to do any schoolwork will not only affect his college acceptances but also your willingness to allow him to attend.
Second, it’s time to enlist the help of your son’s school’s guidance counselor and his teachers. You mention that his teachers have noticed his lack of motivation. Have they spoken with him about the natural consequences of his actions or, in this case, his inactions?
[READ: What Mind Mapping and Study Apps for Students with ADHD Work Best?]
They can help him see what he needs to do to graduate in terms of schoolwork, and the importance of mid-year grades to keep those college acceptances.
Have you visited the colleges that have accepted your son? It has been my experience that college visits, specifically being on the campuses of the schools that my students wanted to attend, made them more comfortable with the transition and motivated them to keep working towards the goal of attending. It’s as if they could feel it. And by feeling it, it became more real.
[READ: My Sons’ Bedroom is Chaos!]
My sense is that, if he has gotten this far in school successfully and has already been accepted to four colleges, he will make it to the finish line. This may be a slight detour. The transition to college is a complex and challenging process for everyone and particularly overwhelming for students with ADHD. Be supportive but fair. I hope that, with the support of his therapist and school team, he can find his way forward and embrace the opportunities that lay ahead.
Good luck.
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