Q: Why Is My Child So Indecisive?
Setting deadlines prevents overthinking and minimizes the stress associated with prolonged indecisiveness.
This Dear ADHD Family Coach® column was originally written for ADDitude Magazine.
Q: “Why is my daughter with ADHD so indecisive? She gets overwhelmed with decision fatigue and shuts down. Can you shed some light? What can I do to help?” — TiredinTennessee
Hi TiredinTennessee:
Your daughter’s ADHD may be significantly impacting her decision-making skills in several ways.
First, ADHD often makes it challenging to filter and organize information effectively. This can lead to difficulties in weighing options and making decisions. She may experience decision paralysis if she struggles to prioritize or sequence tasks or choices or because of the sheer volume of information and possibilities.
The executive function challenges inherent in ADHD, such as difficulties in planning, organizing, and managing time, also play a significant role in decision-making overwhelm, as many individuals find it tough to break down complex decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. The constant bombardment of distractions and difficulties maintaining sustained attention may prevent individuals from gathering the necessary information to make reasonable decisions.
ADHD can heighten emotional reactivity and sensitivity to stimuli. In decision-making scenarios, heightened emotions can cloud judgment, making it harder for teens to assess options rationally. This emotional intensity can add another layer of overwhelm to the decision-making process.
[READ: Q: Why Does the Fear of Failure Paralyze My Teen?]
Impulsivity, a hallmark of ADHD, can also play a pivotal role. You may not see it, but your daughter might rush into decisions without fully considering the consequences. This could lead to added stress, decision fatigue, or regret as she faces the repercussions of her impromptu choices.
So, what can you do to help?
Indecisive Child: Solutions
1. Limit Choices
I can’t stress this enough. Offering a wide array of options may seem to be liberating or give your daughter agency, but for kids with ADHD, too many choices can induce decision paralysis. Instead, narrow down choices to a manageable few. For example, two or three options for dinner, two stores to visit, and two television shows to watch, rather than an assortment of possibilities.
2. Establish Routines and Structure
Setting times for certain activities, such as homework, chores, or even specific places for items to go, can reduce the number of decisions needed throughout the day.
[READ: Q: Should I Let My Teen Procrastinate?]
3. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps
Big tasks can cause decision fatigue. Help your daughter break large tasks into small, more manageable steps. This approach makes it easier to focus on one step at a time, reducing the burden of how to tackle the whole task simultaneously.
4. Offer Time Limits
This is one of my favorites. Sometimes, setting deadlines for decision-making can be beneficial. Encourage your daughter to make decisions within a specific timeframe. This prevents overthinking and minimizes the stress associated with prolonged indecision.
5. Use Decision Guides
These really work! You create the frameworks or guides for the everyday choices your daughter faces. For example, if she can’t decide what to wear, create a guide based on weather, activity, or comfort.
6. Move the Decision Making
If shopping in a brick-and-mortar store is too overwhelming, order items to be tried on at home. If your pantry is overflowing with snacks, create one drawer or shelf in your kitchen that belongs solely to your daughter. This practice should help calm her sensory overload and allow her to stay in the moment to decide.
And I saved the best for last.
7. Write Down Past Decisions
I practice this strategy with my students, and I used to do this for my son when he was younger. Here’s how and why it works.
When I can gently remind or show a past decision my students have made that went well for them, it’s easier for them to make a similar decision. For example, for my son, I would write down the scenario at the end of the day, including a description of the situation, his decision, and its outcome (especially if it went in his favor). If a similar scenario appeared a few weeks later, I would show him what I wrote, pointing out the similarities and the decision that worked, and asked if he “Would you consider making the same one now?”
[READ: Q: How Can We Build Up My Teen’s Working Memory Muscle?]
And here’s some food for thought: The only way to get better at something is to practice it. So try to avoid making decisions for your daughter because it may be easier or faster. My favorite “line” to say to my children or students is, “The choice is all yours. And I have all the confidence in the world you’ll make a great one.”
Good luck!
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